I sparked a mini drama on a chat forum yesterday. Why did I take more than 24 hours to respond to a three word question — how are you?
Offline, I sighed. Why couldn’t they understand the complexities of giving a response to “how are you?”
I took another deep breath before I wrote a reply.
My answer to the question involves three considerations:
- The point in time I am asked.
- Who’s doing the asking.
- The consequences of my reply.
I have an annoying habit of trying to give an honest reply every time I am asked. This often puts me in a conundrum. In extreme cases, I need to sleep on it before I can give a considered response.
But… but most of the time, people don’t care about how well you are truly faring, you say. For these people, it is of course easy to give a smiling, immediate response. They don’t give a shit about me, I don’t give a fuck about them.
Outside of a hi, bye context, my scope of considerations becomes a lot broader. This is where the person asking the question may want to confer with their head and heart. Silence and hesitation are loaded with communicative possibilities.
First and foremost, reflect on why that person was unable to utter a simple “I’m fine.”